Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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