Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
