I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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