If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
