My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
