p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
