She is in my trunk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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