rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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