so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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