Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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