I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
