I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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