FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
