Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
