wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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