my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she peed on how many people?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
