my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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