So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
