Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
