my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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