im about as happy as oj after his trial
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just found puke in my bra..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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