K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
