I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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