smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
