i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
