I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
