grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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