Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
