...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
