in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
