i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
