is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
