he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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