i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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