I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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