PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
