i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar