you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.