Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion