I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
