just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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