why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
