so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
