It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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