There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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