Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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