This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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