you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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