i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
