my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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