...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize