I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
