They should really pass out barf bags in church
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
