Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
