cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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