I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
