If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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